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Archive for the ‘Ladies of the Upper Deck’ Category

Guys and girls alike can admit when they see a good-looking lady. A ten, a dime, a stunner, a full-on scorchcake. Whatever nickname you use when referencing a hottie, the one constant when it comes to the beauty of the gentler sex is that there is no constant. Everyone’s tastes are different. If you have friends and you have eyes, you have undoubtedly discussed and debated the visual appeal of womankind. When men find they are in agreement regarding a woman’s exact level of hotness, it is a bonding moment. In the worst of situations, a ‘high-five’ might even occur. Please don’t hold all of us accountable for those weaker moments.

For as many times as an agreement is reached, there is often much dissent. Placing a fair evaluation on someone’s hot factor is a subjective and inexact science. Not only are we deciding ‘yes’ or ‘no’, we have to determine what kind of attractive we are dealing with. Sometimes “hot” is the best way to describe someone, while in other instances “pretty” is the most appropriate adjective. Still other situations call for “cute”; regardless, every person is attractive in their own way. This is where The Wife Pretty Theory comes in.

Hot? yep. Pretty? sure. Cute? be honest.

To achieve Wife Pretty Status, the subject must be hot, pretty AND cute all at once. This feat is harder to accomplish than you might think. I submit Megan Fox for discussion. While it would be irresponsible to claim that everyone in the world agrees that she is hot, I think we are safe in assuming a large number of men and women find her attractive. But what kind of attractive? My fellow theorists and I agree that Fox is definitely hot, could certainly be considered pretty, but cute? Cute would not make a list of the top 10 adjectives used to describe Megan Fox. If you use the term ‘cute’ to describe Fox you have never seen a chipmunk or a baby. That is why Wife Pretty is such a rare and near-unattainable tag.

hot + pretty + cute = Wife Pretty

Few women have achieved this elite status. When the term “Wife Pretty” comes up in discussion, it’s time to listen. We don’t just throw this term around willy-nilly. If you slap the “Wife Pretty” tag on someone you had better be prepared to explain and defend, because further analysis is forthcoming. Modern Family’s Julie Bowen is one of the small handful of candidates that have achieved unanimous “Wife Pretty Status” among our inner circle of theorists (she also has the benefit of not aging a day since appearing 11 years ago as Carol Vessey on the tv series Ed and as Happy Gilmore’s love interest in 1996). To put this in the proper context, some may argue that Bowen’s Modern Family co-star Sofia Vergara is pretty hot in her own right, and that is undeniable, but can you really call her “cute”? If so, state your case and the board will consider inducting her into this exclusive club.

Credit for the term “Wife Pretty” must be given to senior theorist Brady Gavin, who has since taken his hotness hypothesizing talents to Melbourne, Australia.

When it comes to choosing a mate, sometimes we are in the mood for cute, other times pretty, and let’s face it, we are almost always in the mood for hot. That’s why those of us who are lucky enough to have a ‘Wife Pretty’ partner have got it made.

Who else would you classify as “Wife Pretty”?

Who are some men that could be considered “Husband Handsome”?

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